Names/Identity

March 10th is Middle Name Pride Day. In 2009, the TSA started requiring that the name you use when you buy an airline ticket match exactly your state-issued ID or passport. I understand the need for it, and I even have come to accept it. But because airlines haven't updated their databases in decades, their fields are limited by the number of characters in a name or in a collection of names (as in, First Middle Last), they only print the first name.

I don't go by my first name. I've never gone by my first name. Most of my friends don't even know what my first name is or even that I have a name other than Jeanne. And I'm not alone in this.

Because the TSA doesn't understand the difference between a name and an identity, and because airlines are clueless, here is how some famous people (who go by their middle name) would appear on their airline tickets:

Christopher Kutcher (Ashton Kutcher)
William Pitt (Brad Pitt)
Laura Witherspoon (Reese Witherspoon)
Hannah Fanning (Dakota Fanning)
John Ferrell (William Ferrell)
Marvin Simon (Neil Simon)
Walter Willis (Bruce Willis)
Robyn Fenty (Rhianna)
Henry Beatty (Warren Beatty)
Troyal Brooks (Garth Brooks)
Francis Fitzgerald (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
Navarro Momaday (N. Scott Momaday)
Lafayette Hubbard (L. Ron Hubbard)
Lyman Baum (L. Frank Baum)
John Hoover (J. Edgar Hoover)
Manoj Shyamalan (M. Night Shyamalan)
James Quayle (Vice President J. Danforth Quayle)
Thomas Wilson (President Woodrow Wilson)
James McCartney (Paul McCartney)
Thomas Connery (Sean Connery)
William Maugham (Somerset Maugham)

My name is just a name, but it's also my identity, much like Paul McCartney or Woodrow Wilson is an identity. When a faceless government agency and a behemoth airline refuses to let me use MY identity, the name I choose, my LEGALLY GIVEN name, I feel like a vital part of me has been blacked out, redacted as if it's a danger to national security.

Remembering the 1991 Halloween Blizzard

Remembering 20 years ago today, staring down from my Harriet Ave 2nd story apartment at the trickle of trick-or-treaters bundled up against the light snow beginning to fall. You couldn't tell what any of the kids were dressed up as. My roommate Wendy swore the snow would be gone by morning, that it was too early for anything to worry about. Another friend told me that I wouldn't need a real winter coat until just around Thanksgiving, so my first Minnesota winter coat, a down stadium coat, was on layaway at the Burlington Coat Factory. I put on my unlined one-button wool jacket and headed to the bus which would take me to my overnight job at Kinko's, across from Macalester at the time.

By the time I got to work, most of the trick-or-treaters had given up. My hiking boots hadn't kept my cotton socks from getting wet, so I pulled them off and laid them next to one of the copy machines to dry out. My coworker (not Jason Goodyear that night) had the radio on. They were now calling for 6-8".

Every few minutes it seemed the radio announcers upped the projected totals for this storm. 10-12" 14-18" over 20"....I couldn't see across the street, the snow fell so hard and fast, but I shoved anyway. Three times before morning. I couldn't say sunrise because it didn't seem to that morning.

The third time I shoveled, a woman pulled up in an SUV. She was dressed in a business suit. I was shocked because no one else came to the store over night and it was really cold. The temps had plummeted from the 40's to the single digits and the wind was whipping. I said to her, "I can't believe you're out in this." She said, "Eh, a little snow never hurt a Minnesotan." She set the bar for me on winter and snow.

I handed the shovel to my coworker who arrived shortly after that SUV woman left and started to leave. The manager arrived and asked if I could stay because the buses weren't running, but I had another commitment. My coworker offered me a ride to the bus and I said, "Nah, a little snow never hurt a Minnesotan."

I walked up to Snelling, just a few blocks and decided not to wait for the Snelling Ave bus to take me to Marshall, so I walked. That bus never came. When I got to Marshall, I decided not to wait for the 21 and walked toward Minneapolis. Mind you, this was in over 24" of snow, windchill in the negative teens, and I'm all in cotton except for an unlined one-button wool jacket.

Sitting in front of a fire tonight, I can't recall how cold I was when the bus finally did come, about 2.6 miles later. My hands were white and everyone around me looked fine but I was shivering. Not thinking I would make it all the way back to my Harriet Ave apartment, I got off on First Ave and Lake and rang the bell of a friend Elliott BatTzedek.

She stripped me down naked and put me in a warm bath. Probably saved my life, if not a digit or two. My clothes lay on the radiators in that warm south Minneapolis apartment. I don't know how I got home that day. But I still remember my landlord, an Iron Range guy, shoveling and snow blowing a fourth or fifth time said, "Dis ain't nothin'. Ah, a little snow never hurt a Minnesotan."

Three weeks later we got another 18 inches. The snow stuck around all winter. To this day, there hasn't been a winter storm that has phased me.

Mafia Game

A game I'd like to try sometime: Mafia Game

Mafia Game

This stationary game (originally invented by psychology student Dimitry Davidoff in Russia, 1986) is a popular group game involving strategy and bluffing. It is good for discussing topics such as lying, deception, trust, good versus evil, etc. or just for a fun time. There are five roles one can play: one narrator, two members of the mafia, two members of the police (or one the group is not large), one doctor, the remaining people are townspeople.

Setup

The narrator needs to prepare the right number of playing cards to set up the game. He or she takes out two aces (which represent mafia), two kings (which represent police), one queen (which represents the doctor), and several number cards (one for each of the remaining roles to be played). Therefore, if there are 12 people playing, there would be two aces, two kings, one queen, and seven number (non-face) cards, adding up to 12 cards. The narrator shuffles these cards and each person randomly selects a card, without revealing his or her identity. The person assumes the role for the round.

Roles

Ace card: Anyone who gets an Ace card is a Mafia member. Their goal is to keep secret that they are Mafia and blend in with the Townspeople. For them to win the game, they want to eliminate the townspeople one by one each round but not to get eliminated (voted off) during the day.

King card: Anyone who gets a King card is a member of the Police. These members try to figure out who is guilty of being a Mafia and who is innocent. Thus, their goal is to help the townspeople vote correctly in who to eliminate during the day (the good people, not the bad!). They generally want to keep their identity secret so that the Mafia cannot eliminate them early.

Queen card: The doctor role. This optional (but recommended) role serves one purpose – to try to protect people during the night. He or she can also be selfish and choose to protect themselves during the night.

All other cards (number cards): Townspeople. Their goal is to figure out who is a member of the secret Mafia, and to eliminate them from the town during the day.

How to Play

Arrange the players in a circle, with the narrator outside the circle and walking around it. Each “day” of the game, the narrator takes the entire town through the following commands in this order:

1. Nighttime

• It is nighttime, so everyone please go to sleep.” (Everyone puts their head down and closes their eyes)
• “Mafia, please wake up.” (Only the mafia quietly opens their eyes. The ones that are still “alive” quietly and unanimously choose a person to eliminate by pointing to someone in the group. The narrator takes note of the person chosen.
• “Mafia, please go to sleep.” (The mafia closes eyes and places their heads down again.)
• “Police, please wake up.” (The member(s) of the police that are still alive open their eyes and quietly points to one person who they suspect is a member of the Mafia.)
• The narrator quietly nods or shakes his or her head to indicate whether that person is indeed Mafia.
• “Police, please go to sleep.” (The member(s) of the police close their eyes and place their heads down.)
• “Doctor, please wake up and choose someone you’d like to protect.” (The doctor, if still alive, wakes up and silently points to someone they would like to protect for that day.)
• “Doctor, please go to sleep.” (The doctor closes his or her eyes and puts his/her head down.)
• “It’s morning. Everyone please wake up.” (Everyone opens their eyes and raises their head.)

2. Daytime Update

The narrator announces the person who was eliminated, unless the doctor correctly selected the person who was targeted by the Mafia for the night. The person who was eliminated MUST quietly leave the circle. This person may not speak to anyone for the remainder of the entire game, but he or she may now keep his/her eyes open to watch everything.

3. Daytime Discussion/Voting

The townspeople (along with the Mafia and Police who may pretend to be townspeople) then nominate and vote on people who they suspect is a Mafia. Each person nominated may make a defense and plead their case. The person receiving a majority vote (50% or above) is eliminated. After someone is voted off, the day is over. The day may also end without any eliminations if the entire group decides to do so. The day ends, and the pattern starts again (Nighttime, Daytime Update, Daytime Discussion/Voting).

How to Win

The police or townspeople win if they successfully eliminate all mafia members. The mafia win if they successfully eliminate all the townspeople.

This group game involves lots of strategy, knowing how and when to reveal your identity, who to trust, etc.

Good News: A Changing World

A Facebook post from January 29, 2015

We are surrounded by bad news every day. Here's a bit of hope about our changing world. A carpenter we've worked with in the past is doing some work for us. I asked him about his daughter, who has had quite the exciting adventures over the many years we've known Alan, including sitting in trees to prevent deforestation. I asked about her and without missing a beat, Alan said, "He's doing fine in Oregon. He was back recently because his mom died." After a bit Alan explained to me that he's a Trans man, and then went on with his story. The world is changing. A little bit at a time. But it's changing.

Stories As Non-Violence

My Letter to the Editor/The Nation

In an article in The Nation, author Richard Kim suggests that people who wish to fight for equal rights for GLBT people (and others), we "weaponize" our stories. He uses the story of Jose Antonio Vargas to prove his point. But I think he missed the point. Here's his article.

Here is the letter I just submitted to The Nation in response (I'll let you know if it gets published):

One of the most difficult things to see when you're not looking for it is an act of non-violence. We think of it always as something showing in the face of violence, as an act against violence. But sometimes that act is in words. So I understand how Richard Kim missed the act of non-violence Jose Antonio Vargas committed when he wrote his June 22nd New York Times article coming out as an undocumented immigrant (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/26/magazine/my-life-as-an-undocumented-immigrant.html).

Kim shows his lack of understanding when he suggests that GLBT people and others tell their stories and say "Are you with us, or against us?" He suggests that New York organizers did the same and said through their stories "you’re either with me, or you’re with the haters—but you can’t have it both ways."

The power of Vargas's story isn't that it is a weapon, that it divides people into haters and supporters. Its power comes from his act of laying himself bare in front of the American people, making himself vulnerable to the very thing he was afraid of: deportation from a country and people he loves. He didn't do it so that he would get deported, but so that he could show the injustice of the system. This is exactly how non-violence worked in the Civil Rights movement of the 1940s, 1950s and 1960s. People put themselves in harms way at lunch counters and on freedom buses to expose the injustice of the oppression. Their actions invited compassion, and did not divide people into camps that they did not choose for themselves. Never does Vargas say or even imply that his readers either be with him or against him. He says "Here's my neck. Cut it if you can. Now reflect on that."

I refuse to use my stories as weapons against neighbors and friends who are not sure how they are going to vote on the Minnesota marriage amendment in 2012. They deserve to have my compassion as they tell me they're not sure. But I'm going to tell them my stories, hopefully to lay bare the injustice. Not to impugn them but to fault the system we all inherited and want to make right.

Memorial Day Thoughts

Every year I think about all those who wore our country's uniform in a time of war without even the opportunity to vote. Black people. Women. And all those who served while hated. Black people. Women. Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender people. All who survived came home to a country mostly hostile to their dreams and lives. I want to remember them and memorialize them not because their service mattered more, but because their service was often invisible. Before women were allowed to serve in the military, many did so dressed as men, as far back as the Revolutionary war, and Black people fighting both for and against the colonies is well-documented. The earliest recorded Queer person also fought against the British during the Revolutionary war.

So here's to all who gave their lives the hope of Democracy knowing they would never get their own slice of American Pie.

*****************************

"A tip of the hat to the 637,000 who died in the Civil War - though there was little civil about it. And yet, 150 years later, the roots of that conflict - racism, exploitation of human labor, the denial of the common good and the state vs. the federal government - continue to send their poisonous shoots out of the dank earth. We memorialize the war dead but seem not to learn the lesson." ~Loren Niemi

Knitting Resources

Just want to keep this blog post for me to save knitting resources I want to keep.


Kate Davies has a post about reinforcing a steek with crochet. I think I did it wrong the last time I did it. Boo me.

Another video on hand stitching a steek reinforcement.

Thumb trick, basically an "afterthought" thumb.

Alphabet charts!

Tips on doing a jogless join

Two-stitch i-cord edge

Binding off for a neat and easy-to-pick-up neckline

Picking up stitches

Knitting together five stitches (or more or less) easily

Simple hat calculator

Joining yarn without ends

Middle Class Standard Time [MST]

Here's a great piece on Middle Class Standard Time. It's also very white.

In my experience, people of color and working class people of all races value relationships over both time and achievements.

Christian Hegemony

I read history and it makes me wonder with the connection is to the situation we find ourselves in today. The wealthy hates a group of people and does things in order to undermine their power and then eradicate them.

Some things I learned from reading The Empire of Necessity by Greg Grandin:

Hernan Cortes, the Spaniard who invaded Mexico, called Aztecs "Moors." One priest thought the nomadic peoples who roamed northern Mexico reminded him of Arabs. Spaniards used the word mosque to describe Aztec and Incan temples and believed some of the rituals to be similar to Islamic rites. When Spanish royals arrived to survey Castile's new possessions, they were welcomed with reenactments not of the American conquest but of the reconquest of the Iberian peninsula. The saint they picked to be the patron of America was St. James the Moor Slayer. And this eye opener: Columbus himself described his voyage as the next step in the struggle against the "sect of Mohamet and of all idolatries and heresies," even though one of the reasons he sailed west was to avoid Islam, to find a way to bypass Muslim control of trade routes to Asia.

Remembering Dorothy

This came up in my Facebook memories for today, March 19, 2011, the day of Dorothy Ackerman's memorial. She's been in my thoughts lately. Yesterday, we used a bowl we got from her for a potluck and I told this story. On the way home from that party, Liz told me that the sculpture that Dorothy did of people in Quaker worship is at TCFM. One the people in the sculpture is me. Then I remembered that today was the anniversary of her memorial. That's three times in two days.

So here's the story I told at her Meeting for Worship for Memorial in 2011.

After the bone marrow transplant in 1994, I had to go to the clinic every day for several weeks and Dorothy drove all the way from Minnetonka to take me to the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis. One fine late August day, she decided to stay in the car to finish listening to Garrison Keillor on the radio at the state fair and she told me she'd meet me up in the clinic.

We always played scrabble as I sat in my chair getting blood or IGG or fluids or whatever they were giving me that day. And she always beat me. Bad.

That day, I was getting red blood cells and nodding off when I heard her and the nurses' laughter as they walked into the treatment room. Then she told me this story.

Garrison Keillor was at the state fair and a man holding a baby in one of those kangaroo-like pouches walked by, and Garrison asked him if the baby was his. He said, nah, it's a rental.

When the show ended she walked up to the clinic, and my nurse asked if she was looking for her granddaughter. Then she said, "Nah, I'm just a rental."

I never really knew any of my grandparents, and rental or not, she was a great substitute grandma. Someday, I hope to finally square up with her for the rental fees. Maybe one day I'll get to be a rental grandma too.

On Minnesota Care Buy-in

Today I gave testimony at the Minnesota senate in support of the governor's budget for a Minnesota Care buy-in option. Here's what I said:

In 1993, I was diagnosed with chronic myelogenous leukemia, a then-fatal disease. Because of a class of drugs approved in 2000 that attack only the diseased cells in my body, I am alive and well today. Sprycel put me in full remission in early 2013 for the first time since 1993. In fact, I had my annual checkup at the U this afternoon right before this meeting, and Dr. Greg Vercellotti told me all my tests show I’m disease free.

I am in a state of dis-ease, however. The president and congress have consistently signaled their intent to get rid of the Affordable Care Act, which has kept me alive since it was enacted. Because of the cost of Sprycel at $15,335.82 a month, I reached my lifetime limit sometime in 2013. The ACA got rid of lifetime limits and it protects people like me from being denied insurance because of pre-existing conditions.

I joined my spouse’s individual Medica plan in January after Blue Cross, a plan I’d had since 1999, kicked off all of their individual subscribers last year. I didn’t know Sprycel wasn’t in Medica’s formulary, so last month I had a profoundly stressful week appealing Medica’s denial of my prescription, which they eventually and reluctantly approved.

That week of uncertainty was a glimpse into what my life will be like without the ACA. I felt like I had no recourse if Medica hadn’t approved my drug because they aren’t accountable to anyone other than themselves and their bottom line.

At this point, if the ACA goes away, I will have to bankrupt my family in order to qualify for Minnesota Care.

I’m here today to beg you to extend Minnesota Care to all Minnesotans. If the federal government turns our health insurance industry over to the free market, I will be uninsurable, as will many tens of thousands of Minnesotans. Thousands of people with CML for sure. Minnesota Care for all will be a safety net to ease the fears and uncertainty of many Minnesotans and cure my own dis-ease.

Fuck Quakers

Tonight an African American woman named Avis Wanda got kicked out of Quakerism because she advocates for justice.

That's a simplification of what some Quakers would say is a complex issue. But when I heard this, I thought, this is what Quakers do. They emotionally and spiritually bludgeon people until they conform, leave, or, in this instance, kick you out (but in a really "nice" way so you feel like it's all your fault). That's my experience anyway.

You can read about her experience here. Don't read the articles responding to her article. The response from her now former Meeting called her a liar in the nicest way possible. We can't possibly be racist, they claim.

I admire her. I couldn't stick it out with Quakers. My experience of them is that they sit, listen, fold their hands, and do only things that protect their reputation and privilege.

One Voice Mixed Chorus in the Twin Cities commissioned a choral piece about Bayard Rustin. It was powerful and I hope many people get to see it. The one flaw is that the piece holds up Quakers as if they were all fighters for justice. A few were extraordinary. But most mirrored the rest of the culture, like they do today. See Fit for Freedom, Not for Friendship by Vanessa Julye & Donna McDaniel.

I've watched this process over the couple of years from an intimate perspective. Liz is a support to Avis, and I've been astounded at the inaction at the quarterly meeting and yearly meeting level.

Tonight, Avis asked me to knit her a hat. In black. You bet I will. Because Fuck Quakers.

Please Help

I didn't know what to call this. But I am asking for your help.

The congress is working on repealing the Affordable Care Act, and I'm wrecked. The ACA allows me to be able to have insurance, not just because I am being treated for leukemia, a pre-existing condition. The drug I take that keep me in remission costs $14,346.49 per month. I've been on this drug and a another one like this since February 2002, and if you do the math, I hit my lifetime limit sometime in 2013.

I'd have to bankrupt my family to get onto medicaid, and I refuse to do that. If that'll even be an option by the time the GOP controlled congress is done.

So I have three asks.

1. Call your senators and representative. Here's where you find your representative and their contact information. Here is where you find your senators and their contact information. Tell them a story of yourself or someone you know who will be impacted by overturning the ACA. Even my story. You could say that you have a friend who will have to bankrupt her family in order to live if the ACA goes away.

Here's a script:

Hi my name is ___ and I live in____ I am a constituent of Congressman ______ or Senator _______.
I am VERY concerned about plans to repeal the Affordable Care Act and cut medicaid. These plans would mean many hundreds of thousands of people would lose their health care and over millions of Americans have pre-existing conditions. It is unacceptable to play politics with something as important as healthcare. (If you are talking to someone ask if the congressman supports repealing without having a replacement for the ACA and whether he will cut medicaid).
I/my family member/someone I love will be impacted (Share the story).

If you live in Minnesota, it's estimated 374,000 people will lose their health care, and 744,000 people have pre-existing conditions that would disqualify them from having health insurance.

2. Ask your friends to make the calls. Ask them in person. Call them to ask them. Email them. Share this post on social media.

3. There are five GOP senators who are on the fence about repealing the ACA. Please also call them, and ask your friends to call them.

Here are the 5 Senators we must call today.

Please call for the women, mothers, children, the veterans, the sick, those living in rural areas...

Senator Bob Corker - (202) 224-3344
Senator Lisa Murkowski - (202) 224-6665
Senator Rob Portman - (202) 224-3353
Senator Susan Collins - (202) 224-2523
Senator Bill Cassidy - (202) 224-5824

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.